How To Start Of A Personal Statement

A lot of students worry about their opening sentence(s). This is because you’ve probably been told that the first few lines of your personal statement need to grab the attention of the admissions tutor.

It’s good to think of a memorable way to kick things off but don’t overthink it or spend too much time on your opening; it’s not the be all and end all. Admissions tutors are less concerned with your ability to write a fancy or wacky introduction and more interested in your passion and enthusiasm for the course.

Begin your personal statement with a personal touch

Your opening doesn’t need to go over the top to impress admissions tutors. Jonathan Hardwick is a former head of sixth form and now a professional development manager at Inspiring Futures, a provider of careers information, advice and guidance to young people. He explains: ‘A straightforward sentence that goes on to demonstrate your enthusiasm is much better than trying to get their attention with an outrageous statement or a quote from an obscure historian about overcoming great difficulties.’

The most effective opening sentence will keep it nice and simple, and be personal to you. Think about what made you pick the subject and what you enjoy the most about it. Then try and summarise this in one or two sentences.

You could start your statement with something along the lines of ‘What I like most about studying French is getting to grips with a new culture. I enjoy the challenge of trying to read French literature, listen to French songs and watch French movies and plays in their original forms. I want to study French at university to improve my understanding of the language.’ To make sure it’s personal to you, draw on your own experiences and knowledge. Have you been to see a French opera performance or read the work of a French poet, for example?

‘Try to be as clear and concise as possible,’ advises Helen Relf, undergraduate admissions co-ordinator for English, drama & publishing at Loughborough University. ‘We are looking for bright, lively and articulate students who can tell us exactly why they are different or an individual.’ Cut the academic talk and long-winded sentences. Why say something in 20 words that you could say in ten words?

How not to begin your personal statement

To make sure your opening sentence is original, here are four ways you shouldn't begin your personal statement.

1. Avoid overused opening sentences

‘An admissions tutor might read over 3,000 personal statements a year so it can be hard to stand out,’ says Jonathan. Admissions tutors will appreciate it’s difficult to think of an opening that nobody will have ever used before. However, try to avoid using common openings that lots of students will use.

To give you an idea of the most overused openings, UCAS published a list of the ten most frequently used opening lines in personal statements in the 2015 application cycle. The most common opening was ‘From a young age I have always been interested in/fascinated by…’ (used by 1,179 students), while other openings on the list include ‘For as long as I can remember I have…’ (1,451 students), ‘I am applying for this course because…’ (1,370 students) and ‘I have always been interested in…’ (927 students).

2. Steer clear of clichéd openings and childhood anecdotes

‘Avoid anything too whimsical,’ advises Emma-Marie Fry, an area director at Inspiring Futures. Emma manages the career guidance team in London and the south-east and goes into schools to deliver support to students.

She says: ‘Admissions tutors want to know about your brain's potential and your education and development, not your childhood dreams. If getting your first telescope when you were five sparked your interest in astronomy or you’ve wanted to be a doctor ever since you broke your leg when you were six, that’s great, but it’s not what the admissions tutors need to know. What have you done more recently?’

Similarly, avoid talking about what your family members do for a living. ‘Don’t say “My parent is a teacher so I want to be a teacher.” It needs to be personal to you,’ says Jonathan. Instead, explain what you’ve done that’s made you want to become a teacher. Did you shadow a teacher at your local primary school for a week? Or do you spend your Sundays coaching the local children’s football team?

3. Be wary of opening your personal statement with a joke

You might have thought of the perfect joke to start your statement with, but does it set the right tone? And will the admissions tutor share your sense of humour?

‘Admissions tutors like to see originality but they don’t like too much jokiness,’ warns Emma. ‘They want to get a sense of you as a person but this means your academic strength and passion for the subject, not your sense of humour.’

4. Begin your personal statement with your own voice, not a quote from a famous person

Epigraphs – aka quotes – aren’t nearly as interesting to admissions tutors as what you’ve got to say yourself. ‘It might be tempting to start your personal statement with an epigraph but, often, beginning with your own words is best and more likely to be original,’ says Dr Helen Moggridge, a lecturer in geography at the University of Sheffield. If you do want to include a quote, make sure it’s relevant to the course you’re applying for and always explain how this quote links back to you and the subject you want to study.

You might think that a famous quote will help you stand out but you won’t be the only person who thinks it would be a great idea to include a well-known quote from the likes of Mahatma Ghandi, William Shakespeare, Karl Lagerfeld and so on. If you’re applying to study psychology, for example, it would be better to ditch the quote from Sigmund Freud in favour of a quote from a less well-known psychologist that you encountered through your wider reading.

You should also think about whether the person you are quoting is appropriate or not. ‘Avoid inspirational quotes from Drake or Kanye West, for example,’ says Emma. Similarly, it might not be wise to quote a reality TV star from The Only Way is Essex or Made in Chelsea.

Finally, steer clear of generic inspirational quotes about chasing your dreams, overcoming obstacles and the power of education. This can sound wishy washy or even a little bit pretentious and it doesn’t tell the admissions tutor anything about you or why you’re interested in the course.

Not sure how to begin your personal statement? Consider writing your opening sentence last

Just because your opening sentence is the first thing the admissions tutors will read, that doesn’t mean it needs to be the first section of your personal statement that you write. It can be tricky to decide how you want to begin your statement so, if you’re stuck on what to write, consider taking a break from it and focusing on other sections of your personal statement.

It might seem unusual but you might even find it easier to make your opening sentence the last thing you write. This will help you think about what the rest of your statement goes on to say and, therefore, how you can best introduce it.

Remember that the opening sentence is only a small part of the 4,000 characters that make up your personal statement. What you go on to write next is far more important to admissions tutors so don’t focus too much time and effort on just the opening sentence.

For help on what to write next, read our article on what to include in your UCAS personal statement. You can also use our course search to find the courses you want to apply to.

Without question, the most common place for writers to exercise their freedom in personal statements, as well as the most common place where writers feel uncertain about what they’ve done, is in their beginnings. Even personal statements that are scientific in tone and content might have creative beginnings. Although there’s nothing wrong with a straightforward opening simply stating your purpose, especially if you have just one page for your essay, most writers take a bolder tack. Readers of personal statements are used to openings that tell stories or borrow quotations, essays that discuss relevant current events, and even daring writers who risk a bit of well-conceived humor or surprise.

Personal Stories

As the most common creative beginning, a personal story tells a tale by briefly setting a scene, often capturing some formative moment of your past when your interest in your course of study blossomed. Whether setting the scene in a classroom or on a mountaintop, remember that your goal is make readers feel they are there with you, and remember that the setting itself can be a character in your “short story”—influencing both the action and a response to that action.

Here is a perfect example of a lengthy creative beginning that winds its way into a formal thesis statement, excerpted from a Rhodes Scholarship essay in Chapter 5:

Soaked in sweat, I sat deep in thought on the small mound of sand and broken rocks in northern Kenya, where 1.7 million years ago a desperately ill Homo erectus woman had died. Her death had entranced me for years. KNM-ER 1808 had died of Hypervitaminosis A, wherein an overdose of Vitamin A causes extensive hemorrhaging throughout the skeleton and excruciating pain. Yet a thick rind of diseased bone all over her skeleton—ossified blood clots—tells that 1808 lived for weeks, even months, immobilized by pain and in the middle of the African bush. As noted in The Wisdom of the Bones, by Walker and Shipman, that means that someone had cared for her, brought her water, food, and kept away predators. At 1.7 million years of age, 1808’s mere pile of bones is a breathtaking, poignant glimpse of how people have struggled with disease over the ages. Since that moment two summers ago, I’ve been fascinated by humans’ relationship with disease. I want to research paleopathology, the study of ancient diseases, in relation to human culture, specifically sex and gender.

Note how this opening confidently integrates technical detail and even slips in an informal citation on the journey to the thesis. Here, setting acts as a character, moving our story’s protagonist to imagine a woman’s long-ago death, and we also recognize the writer’s seriousness of purpose about her work as she (as a character in the tale) contemplates the woman’s fate from a “small mound of sand and broken rocks in northern Kenya.” Just as she was taken to this important place and moment in her life, we are taken there with her as well through narrative.

Here is another example from an introduction to a student's application to medical school:

When I was little my grandfather gave me piggyback rides, brought me donuts every day when he came home from work, and taught me about nature. A simple farmer who survived World War II and lived most of his life under Russian occupation, he told me why trees grow so high, why I should not pull a cow by its ear, and why I should not chase chickens across the back yard. As fond as I was of him, as I grew and became more educated I also saw how this great man made bad choices about his health. I constantly nagged him about his smoking and poor diet. He loved bacon with eggs and milk straight from the cow. In response to my nagging he would simply say, "Eh, you are so young, what do you know?" One morning after breakfast when I was sixteen, he had a heart attack and died in the kitchen while waiting for an ambulance to arrive.

Here we find a writer who simultaneously evokes the memory of his beloved grandfather and also introduces us to his own sensibility. Simple details about his simple upbringing make up a brief but vivid tale with a tragic end, and thus we understand a very personal motivation behind this writer's choice of career.

Other essays open with much briefer and less narrative personal stories, sometimes relying on just one line to set the context, with the writer heading to a purpose statement shortly thereafter. Here are some straightforward but artful beginnings to personal statements from Donald Asher’s book Graduate Admissions Essays:

I attended seventeen different schools before high school.
I spent the morning of my eighteenth birthday in an auditorium with two hundred strangers.
Radio has been my passion for as long as I can remember.

Clearly, the style of an opening that shares a personal story can range from the flashy to the plain—what matters most is that the opening truly is personal.

Compelling Quotations

Like many writers and readers, I’m a sucker for a good meaty quotable quote, which is part of why quotations are used to open each chapter of this handbook. We tape handwritten quotes on our bathroom mirrors, clip them onto the visors in our cars, and paste them into our e-mail signature lines. In a personal essay, not only do quotes set context for the reader, they also allow you to ride on the broad shoulders of another who actually managed to say or write something that was worth quoting. Quotations might be used at the start of the essay, in the closing, or they might appear at a key moment within the body as a way to set context or emphasize a point. In Chapter 5 of this handbook, a quotation is used as an opening to a science-related essay by an applicant for a National Science Foundation Fellowship. In the same chapter, another writer uses a narrative opening in her essay to repeat a favorite quote that her mother used to say: “To find out where you’re going, you need to know where home is.”

Keep in mind that some quotations are highly overused and that quotations can also come off as merely trite and silly, depending on the taste of the reader. Some find Forrest Gump’s “Life is like a box of chocolates” hilarious; others just groan when they hear it. If using a quotation, be sure that you’re not just propping yourself up on it as an apology for a lack of substance to your text. Comment on the quotation’s relevance to your life rather than just let it sit there, and choose the most meaningful quote for the circumstances rather than one that simply tickles your fancy.

The Use of Surprise or Humor

Indeed, the weapon of surprise is a key ingredient in a Monty Python skit about the Spanish Inquisition (no one expects it, just in case you forgot). But in a personal statement humor and surprise can fall flat in the hands of a fumbling writer. Nevertheless, some writers take these calculated risks, and do so with style. Witness this passage from a sample essay in Chapter 4, as a film student explains how he spent his freshman year in a different major:

With a high school education grounded rigorously in math and science, I entered Mythic University on an academic scholarship with Polymer Science and Engineering as my intended major. I like to joke that, after seeing Mike Nichols’ film The Graduate and hearing that terrific line, “plastics,” delivered poolside to a wayward Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman), I was inadvertently led into the hands of the great polymer Satan. But, by sophomore year, I quickly escaped the plastic devil’s clasp and found a new home in the film department.

Here, this student uses self-deprecating humor as many do in the personal statement: to explain what might otherwise look like a curiosity in his background. Readers need not question his devotion to film despite his beginning in the sciences—he even blends the two interests together by being influenced into his initial major by a film, aligning himself briefly and humorously with the hapless character of Benjamin Braddock.

Others use humor or surprise less expansively, but again with the purpose of revealing something personal and using intentional self-commentary. In Mark Allen Stewart’s How to Write the Perfect Personal Statement, one writer quips that his high school classmates voted him “Most likely to have a publishable resume,” which shows that this writer can simultaneously poke fun at and uplift himself. In Donald Asher’s Graduate Admissions Essays. Another writer opens her essay unconventionally with a surprising admission—“Skeletons. Like everyone else I have some hanging in my closet”—then later reveals herself as a “survivor of sexual assault.” Here, the writer’s tone is surprisingly frank, which under the circumstances could help her be viewed as mature and courageous, despite the risk she takes.

Part of what unifies these disparate approaches above is that the writers clearly know they are taking a risk with their rhetoric—there’s nothing accidental or highly cutesy about it. All of them reveal a passion for their chosen fields, and the humor and surprise are attention-getting without being too distracting.

Perhaps a good rule of thumb, then, is this: If using humor or surprise, aim it squarely at yourself without making yourself look silly or undermining your character, and dispense with it quickly rather than push it over the top. No matter how well you tell a joke, some readers may not care for it. And remember that not everyone likes, or even "gets," Monty Python.

Topical Context

It’s often said that one of the best ways to prepare for an interview for a national scholarship is to read The New York Times and be ready to discuss current events. If you make it to the interview selection stage, it’s already clear that you have an excellent academic record and look good on paper. What’s unclear is how you will present in person. By showing yourself to be not just committed to your field but also knowledgeable about the world, you paint yourself as a mature thinker, an informed citizen, a responsible student of life.

In a personal statement, writers typically create topical context by narrating a recent event of some consequence, citing a respected source, or simply establishing an arena for discussion. “Martial arts and medicine,” opens one personal essay from Richard Stelzer’s How to Write a Winning Personal Statement for Graduate and Professional School, using an intentional sentence fragment to grab our attention and to crisply define two intertwined themes in the writer’s life. Other essays—the first from the Asher book and the second from the Stelzer book cited above—lend a sense of importance to their subject matter through topical references:

As I write this statement, Governor Mario Cuomo makes preparations to vacate the Executive Mansion in Albany, New York, after New Yorkers rejected his appeal for another term.
As the United States launched yet another small war in a distant corner of the globe, Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen returned to life and captivated a hometown audience in Pekin, Illinois, with the folksy eloquence that made him nationally famous.

As these politically savvy allusions show, writers who use topical references impress upon their readers that they are both informed and concerned. Here, the color of one’s political stripes is irrelevant—what matters is that they are painted clearly. Whether employing a political reference or citing a current event, when you create topical context you represent yourself as a keen observer of the world.

 

0 comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *